This is a post I’ve been dreading writing, but I believe in being authentic and real and honest, even when I don’t want to be. When I want to pretend everything is fine, great and awesome. But it’s not. You see I’ve been cheating. Terribly. I’ve fallen off my get healthy wagon and I’m struggling. And that’s okay.
Sometimes a Little Perspective Keeps You Going
Normally I am the type of person who would quit my get healthy journey after the January I had. Because I ate. Everything. Every morning I got up and told myself I was going to make smart, healthy choices. And most days I failed, not necessarily every meal or every day. But too many meals; too many days and it shows.
The scale is up, although thankfully not significantly.
I never stopped exercising. Thank you sweet baby Jesus.
And that is why I started with exercise first before I tackled food when I officially began my get healthy journey last June. I previously avoided exercising because I don’t enjoy it, not because I needed to work through mental hang-ups about doing it. But I do have a very complicated relationship with food.
A Few Lessons Learned Because that’s What Matters
When I did my prep work for my get healthy journey, I knew I would fail. This is not me being overly dramatic: Everyone fails at some point because nothing is ever 100% smooth sailing. There are always bumps and it’s how we respond to those bumps that dictate whether we succeed or fail. In the past, I gave up. Instantly. But I haven’t given up on me yet.
Recognize, Learn, Forgive and Move On
Honestly, I did really well over Christmas with how I ate. The problem arose when I got back home with a small cold. While it didn’t last long or turn into bronchitis which would have impacted my ability to exercise, it did, however, suck all of my energy around eating right. I know why it happened (I have terrible self-sabotage tendencies when it comes to food) and obviously still have lots of work to do there. Work I had not done because my get healthy journey was going well, since I was two pants sizes smaller and feeling pretty dang good about myself. But buried inside me, all my conflicting emotions around being fit and right-sized lingered and finally came out to play.
I’m okay with gaining back a few pounds (not thrilled, mind you, but I can lose them again) but I’m more mad at myself for undoing all my hard work with portion size because that was a real struggle for me. But I am choosing to forgive myself and accept that I need to deal with my emotions around my weight and my self-worth once and for all. Otherwise I will never break the cycle of weight gain/loss.
Why So Serious? Eat in the Real World
I had lots of bad habits around food that needed to be addressed so I was quite strict with my diet until Christmas. And to be honest, I also wanted to lose as much weight as possible so people would compliment me. Vanity, thy name is Tanya. Hey, at least I’m being honest. 😀 (To be very clear, I went very low-carb with my diet, nothing dangerous or risky!) But maybe I was too strict because suddenly I wanted everything and struggled massively to say “no”.
While I had originally planned to slowly add more carbs when I reached my weight goal and then track until I find my magic number of how many carbs I can eat and maintain my weight, I am considering adding a few more healthy carbs (veggies, minus potatoes, and fruits) now. This may increase the length of my get healthy journey but that is a payoff I’m willing to take if it helps reduce/eliminate my carb binges.
Every Day is a Fresh Start
It’s easy to cop-out and not own mistakes; it’s also easy to blame yourself into giving up too. And I’ve done both in the past but today I don’t want to do either. Instead, I want to own my mistakes and forgive myself and most importantly — prove to myself that I can achieve my get healthy goal. Every day I get up and remind myself: Today is a new day. A new chance for for me to make better choices; to restart/continue on my get healthy journey; and to succeed. Because I know what I need to do. It’s a matter of being willing to shine a light on some of my dark places and recognize and accept my worth.
2018: The Year I Get Healthy
Typing that is scary because I’ve typed those words before and never achieved them. A part of me says I’m a fool for typing them again while another part of me says you got this. And I do. Many of you want to/are in the process of getting healthy too, so I want you to know that it’s okay if you stumble and fall. It happens to all of us. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. You can get back up because it’s your choice to stay down or get up. I’m getting up because I’m worth it and so are you.
How do you handle slip-ups with goals, health or otherwise?
Rebecca Jo says
Slip ups are a part of life. Its like every other struggle, its what you do with them, how they win or lose against you.
I find it do hard when schedules change or sickness comes… Or chocolate is in front of me. Haha
Its all about pumping the breaks & starting back down the healthy path.
I feel this post like,no other friend
Yeah, I had such a good routine down with eating healthy and exercise but after Christmas, it just fell apart, especially the eating right part. But I’m not going to beat myself up or quit. I want to be healthy and can and will get back on track again.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach says
I just wrote a post I haven’t finished or published yet on self-sabatoge. I do the same thing. I get going and I’m on a roll and then I have one bad or even really good day (you know you GOTTA celebrate those wins) and then poof, Pandora’s box has been opened. The only thing I do is…start again.
YES!! Self sabotage is the bane of my existence. I’m rocking and rolling, feeling good, then bam! I screw up and keep screwing up. I’m sorry you do this to yourself too. But you’re absolutely right – the only thing to do is dust yourself off and start again.
kathy @ more coffee, less talky says
life, yo, is full of slip-ups! the important part is to recognize and move on, not dwell, which you’re totally already on the right path. this christmas i put on a couple of pounds and also yesterday i ate some butter tarts because YOLO lol. i’m currently on a mission to lose those couple pounds since i’m going to a beach vacay in march.
the important part is to go back to the plan and stick to it…that’s what i always do.
I used to get absolutely stuck on the dwelling part and just live there. I’d berate myself, feel guilty and ashamed and give up. But I’m not going to do that again. Nope! Moving on and getting back on track. I’m not sure what butter tarts are, which is probably a good thing because they sound absolutely delicious! LOL!
Nancy @ NY Foodie Family says
I don’t think you should be beating yourself up over falling off the healthy eating bandwagon. Diet has to be a lifestyle change. And honestly, I’m not willing to give up carbs. I love bread and pasta and pizza. For me, this year my focus has been on portion control. I’m not giving up the foods I like. I’m just trying not to eat a lot of them. Plus, I’ve been so much better about exercise, which helps with the weight control. You have made so much progress you should be proud of yourself. Every day is a new day!
Portion control has been a huge part of my get healthy journey too. I ate very oversized portions for many years so it took a lot of work to adjust to right sizes. I’m not planning on giving up carbs long-term but I went low-carb to jump start my journey because I excessively ate carbs and needed to do some recalibration. I could never, ever completely give them up. I love bread, potatoes and pasta way too much!
Whew. You really do have this, though, Tanya! Think about how FAR you’ve come!! I haven’t even attempted to try an exercise routine yet! I often slip when it comes to meal planning. I feel good about it and make my lists and shop… and then one week I’m too tired to make dinner and we order out and I end up throwing food away and I’m just SO mad at myself. But then a new week starts and I know I need to try again. You’ll fall back into rhythm with portion control and food choices. I believe in you!
Thanks, Audrey! I have accomplished so much and I need to remember that too. Because there was a time, not that long ago, that I never imagined this would be possible. It took some time for me to get meal planning down but once you figure it – and it takes some trial and error – it makes a huge difference.