This is a post I’ve been dreading writing, but I believe in being authentic and real and honest, even when I don’t want to be. When I want to pretend everything is fine, great and awesome. But it’s not. You see I’ve been cheating. Terribly. I’ve fallen off my get healthy wagon and I’m struggling. And that’s okay.
Sometimes a Little Perspective Keeps You Going
Normally I am the type of person who would quit my get healthy journey after the January I had. Because I ate. Everything. Every morning I got up and told myself I was going to make smart, healthy choices. And most days I failed, not necessarily every meal or every day. But too many meals; too many days and it shows.
The scale is up, although thankfully not significantly.
I never stopped exercising. Thank you sweet baby Jesus.
And that is why I started with exercise first before I tackled food when I officially began my get healthy journey last June. I previously avoided exercising because I don’t enjoy it, not because I needed to work through mental hang-ups about doing it. But I do have a very complicated relationship with food.
A Few Lessons Learned Because that’s What Matters
When I did my prep work for my get healthy journey, I knew I would fail. This is not me being overly dramatic: Everyone fails at some point because nothing is ever 100% smooth sailing. There are always bumps and it’s how we respond to those bumps that dictate whether we succeed or fail. In the past, I gave up. Instantly. But I haven’t given up on me yet.
Recognize, Learn, Forgive and Move On
Honestly, I did really well over Christmas with how I ate. The problem arose when I got back home with a small cold. While it didn’t last long or turn into bronchitis which would have impacted my ability to exercise, it did, however, suck all of my energy around eating right. I know why it happened (I have terrible self-sabotage tendencies when it comes to food) and obviously still have lots of work to do there. Work I had not done because my get healthy journey was going well, since I was two pants sizes smaller and feeling pretty dang good about myself. But buried inside me, all my conflicting emotions around being fit and right-sized lingered and finally came out to play.
I’m okay with gaining back a few pounds (not thrilled, mind you, but I can lose them again) but I’m more mad at myself for undoing all my hard work with portion size because that was a real struggle for me. But I am choosing to forgive myself and accept that I need to deal with my emotions around my weight and my self-worth once and for all. Otherwise I will never break the cycle of weight gain/loss.
Why So Serious? Eat in the Real World
I had lots of bad habits around food that needed to be addressed so I was quite strict with my diet until Christmas. And to be honest, I also wanted to lose as much weight as possible so people would compliment me. Vanity, thy name is Tanya. Hey, at least I’m being honest. 😀 (To be very clear, I went very low-carb with my diet, nothing dangerous or risky!) But maybe I was too strict because suddenly I wanted everything and struggled massively to say “no”.
While I had originally planned to slowly add more carbs when I reached my weight goal and then track until I find my magic number of how many carbs I can eat and maintain my weight, I am considering adding a few more healthy carbs (veggies, minus potatoes, and fruits) now. This may increase the length of my get healthy journey but that is a payoff I’m willing to take if it helps reduce/eliminate my carb binges.
Every Day is a Fresh Start
It’s easy to cop-out and not own mistakes; it’s also easy to blame yourself into giving up too. And I’ve done both in the past but today I don’t want to do either. Instead, I want to own my mistakes and forgive myself and most importantly — prove to myself that I can achieve my get healthy goal. Every day I get up and remind myself: Today is a new day. A new chance for for me to make better choices; to restart/continue on my get healthy journey; and to succeed. Because I know what I need to do. It’s a matter of being willing to shine a light on some of my dark places and recognize and accept my worth.
2018: The Year I Get Healthy
Typing that is scary because I’ve typed those words before and never achieved them. A part of me says I’m a fool for typing them again while another part of me says you got this. And I do. Many of you want to/are in the process of getting healthy too, so I want you to know that it’s okay if you stumble and fall. It happens to all of us. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. You can get back up because it’s your choice to stay down or get up. I’m getting up because I’m worth it and so are you.
How do you handle slip-ups with goals, health or otherwise?