Last year, for those of you with great memories, you may recall that I was on my get healthy journey and overall doing well. Pounds were lost and not found again. Bat wings became less flappable. Butt shrunk, leading to saggy ass pants bottoms which I found both fascinating and horrifying. But … but … but … now. Now is not so great. Pounds have been found. And I feel all the feels, which sucks because I am an emotional eater.
After Christmas last year, I stopped being so mindful of what I ate and how I much I ate, partly due to my restrictive diet as I had gone fairly low-carb. Thankfully, though, I stuck with my exercise routine and the weight stayed mostly off. This may have inadvertently made me cocky and decide to tempt fate.
This summer, I stopped working out.
No real reason. Just because. Maybe a depression flare-up made me doubt my worth (I place a lot of unrealistic and unhealthy pressure on how “thin” will change my life). Maybe I decided to believe the lies. Whatever the reason, every morning I told myself to work out and every morning I found an excuse to not put on my Nikes or swimsuit. These were not good or valid excuses. I was and am simply choosing not to do the work of making good, healthy choices in regards to both food and exercise.
And it shows.
The Pounds Return, Slow but Sure
I have not regained all my lost weight but enough that I definitely notice and feel it.
It shames me.
When I started my get healthy journey last year, I promised myself that I was done with yo-yo dieting and going to reach my weight goal, which I would’ve achieved this Spring had I done the work. Most importantly, though, I wanted to build healthy, sustainable habits and I did … but I also forgot how easy it is to unlearn them. To find a reason — any reason — to justify that piece of cake or super-sized bowl of spaghetti and meatballs or both.
I have no answers or excuses or even a real plan of attack, yet. Just awareness. I see you pounds. And I don’t like you.
Most importantly — I am coming for you.
Tanya
OHHHH GIRL….. the number on the scale this morning? SHOCKING.
I should have known better than to weigh the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend.
But yep, it creeps back on so silently & slowly… until that shame totally sets in – I feel you.
I absolutely avoided the scale on Monday. Nope. Nope. NOPE! Those dang pounds. So hard to eliminate; so easy to regain. It’s a hard, vicious cycle but I ain’t quitting. But I do plan on grumbling about it. 😀
It is so easy to unlearn them especially when making healthy choices is not something you have done for a long time!
Agree 100%. I’m just mad that I finally made some good habits and was consistent, then just let it go for no reason. The flip side, that I remind myself constantly these days, that if I did it before I can learn good habits again!
Don’t be ashamed 🙁 You should never assign value to numbers- weight, pants size, income, zip code. They’re just numbers and they absolutely do NOT represent the best parts about Tanya 🙂 I’m with you on the feeling kinda crappy, though. I’m trying to take small steps. I’m avoiding all pop and alcohol between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s an easy thing to do, but not something I’d normally do. I’ve also spent some $$$ on a yoga/barre/rowing/piyo package that expires in 6 months. If I don’t take 25 classes between now and June (well, 24 because I did one last night) then I’m wasting money. And that motivates me to do something 😉 Find little steps to take and make deals with your (awesome) self! You can do it!!
Thanks, Audrey! We live in such a keeping up with the Joneses kind of world and I know I shouldn’t do it … but that doesn’t mean I don’t. 😀 Part of my problem is that I’m a “feeler” so I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and it’s been a heavy weight since you know who got elected. And I’m tired, you know? But I also am not going to let all my hard work go to waste either. Good for you for finding a class you’re interested in and way to keep yourself motivated. I once had a YMCA membership and only went a handful of times in my 2-3 years of membership. Heck, I’d still probably be paying for it if I hadn’t moved to California. 😀
It takes time but I know you will get back on track! Rooting for you! 🙂
Thanks, Mackenzie!
Girl, if you want to be accountability partners I am HERE. FOR. THIS! I need to check myself because I’m starting to wreck myself and I don’t like it one bit.