Last year, for those of you with great memories, you may recall that I was on my get healthy journey and overall doing well. Pounds were lost and not found again. Bat wings became less flappable. Butt shrunk, leading to saggy ass pants bottoms which I found both fascinating and horrifying. But … but … but … now. Now is not so great. Pounds have been found. And I feel all the feels, which sucks because I am an emotional eater.
After Christmas last year, I stopped being so mindful of what I ate and how I much I ate, partly due to my restrictive diet as I had gone fairly low-carb. Thankfully, though, I stuck with my exercise routine and the weight stayed mostly off. This may have inadvertently made me cocky and decide to tempt fate.
This summer, I stopped working out.
No real reason. Just because. Maybe a depression flare-up made me doubt my worth (I place a lot of unrealistic and unhealthy pressure on how “thin” will change my life). Maybe I decided to believe the lies. Whatever the reason, every morning I told myself to work out and every morning I found an excuse to not put on my Nikes or swimsuit. These were not good or valid excuses. I was and am simply choosing not to do the work of making good, healthy choices in regards to both food and exercise.
And it shows.
The Pounds Return, Slow but Sure
I have not regained all my lost weight but enough that I definitely notice and feel it.
It shames me.
When I started my get healthy journey last year, I promised myself that I was done with yo-yo dieting and going to reach my weight goal, which I would’ve achieved this Spring had I done the work. Most importantly, though, I wanted to build healthy, sustainable habits and I did … but I also forgot how easy it is to unlearn them. To find a reason — any reason — to justify that piece of cake or super-sized bowl of spaghetti and meatballs or both.
I have no answers or excuses or even a real plan of attack, yet. Just awareness. I see you pounds. And I don’t like you.
Most importantly — I am coming for you.