Sometimes I get caught up in all the things that annoy me, like Trump, Mondays, cleaning and stupid, intolerant people. They make my eyes twitch and feel the need to get on a soapbox and rant. Some days that is exactly what I do and need to do. But not today. Today, I want to focus on the things I love because that makes me feel good and I want more good in my life.
I don’t like cleaning. At all. Some day, when I can afford it, I will hire someone to clean for me. And I won’t be the person who cleans in advance because I’m embarrassed by how messy my house is. Nope. I will apologize profusely and give them a huge tip. 🙂 Now some people find cleaning to be very zen and relaxing. Not me. I spend hours making my place sparkle to turn around seconds later to find it a disaster. Did I mention I live alone? Well, I live with my cat, Max, but to be completely fair, he’s less of a slob than I am. Even though I may not enjoy cleaning, I do enjoy a clean home, especially a nice-smelling home.
I sit quietly at the table, feeling small and insignificant. My head is bowed and my heart heavy. My Mom sits to my left. Her arms crossed and lips pursed into a thin, tight line. My father sits to my right. He is talking, low and fast. So many words spill from his mouth but all I hear is “We are disappointed in you.”
Fact: The Library and Netflix are not the same thing. This is what I need to tell myself every time I get the urge to go crazy and put a ton of books on hold. Books don’t disappear or get put back into the vault; they will be there. If you haven’t guessed already, I did it again (cue, Britney). Giddiness over took me and I reserved too many books that became available at the same time. #BookNerdProblems! Plus, one book I loved needed some processing time, which led to me rereading it again … just to make sure it was really that good. It was.
I’ve come to a hard conclusion: my life is kind of dull and repetitive. This is both a blessing and a curse. I have friends whose lives are whirlwinds of activity, hi-jinks and craziness and it just makes me sleepy and feel old. That life is not for me (although it might be the perfect life for you!) But … on the other hand, my life also needs a jolt of something. I’m just not sure what, yet. And figuring it out is my new big to-do.
That’s right. I said “AWESOMENESS!” After all, Shonda taught me to own my badassery and I am. Therefore, I am awesome and so you are. We may not be awesome every single moment of the day (FYI, no one is), but we are still powerful, awesome beings. And knowing this makes me want to shout from the roof top and pee my pants. Hey, being awesome is a kind of scary. The truth is I’ve allowed this fear of my awesomeness to prevent me from living a wholehearted life. Dreams were smushed and lost to the ether. But I’m tired of living small and watching dreams fade into nothingness. I am ready to shine! Aren’t you?