I’m celebrating a little early and starting my holiday today. This is the one of those pro’s of being your own boss and I’m taking full advantage of it this week. 🙂 In some ways, Memorial Day always feels a bit odd to me since I don’t deal with loss very well. It’s not my nature to always want to remember. But I know the holiday isn’t just about loss; it’s celebrating the lives of those we have lost. And like everyone else, I’ve lost loved ones too.
Sometimes I get caught up in all the things that annoy me, like Trump, Mondays, cleaning and stupid, intolerant people. They make my eyes twitch and feel the need to get on a soapbox and rant. Some days that is exactly what I do and need to do. But not today. Today, I want to focus on the things I love because that makes me feel good and I want more good in my life.
I don’t like cleaning. At all. Some day, when I can afford it, I will hire someone to clean for me. And I won’t be the person who cleans in advance because I’m embarrassed by how messy my house is. Nope. I will apologize profusely and give them a huge tip. 🙂 Now some people find cleaning to be very zen and relaxing. Not me. I spend hours making my place sparkle to turn around seconds later to find it a disaster. Did I mention I live alone? Well, I live with my cat, Max, but to be completely fair, he’s less of a slob than I am. Even though I may not enjoy cleaning, I do enjoy a clean home, especially a nice-smelling home.
I sit quietly at the table, feeling small and insignificant. My head is bowed and my heart heavy. My Mom sits to my left. Her arms crossed and lips pursed into a thin, tight line. My father sits to my right. He is talking, low and fast. So many words spill from his mouth but all I hear is “We are disappointed in you.”
Fact: The Library and Netflix are not the same thing. This is what I need to tell myself every time I get the urge to go crazy and put a ton of books on hold. Books don’t disappear or get put back into the vault; they will be there. If you haven’t guessed already, I did it again (cue, Britney). Giddiness over took me and I reserved too many books that became available at the same time. #BookNerdProblems! Plus, one book I loved needed some processing time, which led to me rereading it again … just to make sure it was really that good. It was.
I’ve come to a hard conclusion: my life is kind of dull and repetitive. This is both a blessing and a curse. I have friends whose lives are whirlwinds of activity, hi-jinks and craziness and it just makes me sleepy and feel old. That life is not for me (although it might be the perfect life for you!) But … on the other hand, my life also needs a jolt of something. I’m just not sure what, yet. And figuring it out is my new big to-do.