I know. It’s February and I’m sharing my goals. Errr … goal. I offer no excuse or apology either, because goals can be made any time, any place. And just like there can be only One (bonus points if you get the reference and remember I am old), there can also be only One Goal. And my goal is to live a BIG LIFE.
It’s More a Lifestyle Declaration vs. Goal or Word
I’ve unsuccessfully set many personal goals throughout the years, mostly because my goals were whatever claptrap spilled from my mouth every New Year. Eventually I got wise and attempted to set real goals that in hindsight were generic goals vs something I truly desired. In other words, I had no real skin in the game. It was, however, embarrassing to constantly admit failure every year, especially as someone who hates to fail. So I switched to words and picked two great ones: listen and connection. I never really did much with them either.
But I do believe in goals and words because I’ve seen many succeed where I have failed.
Yup, I love my cat memes but it’s also true and I don’t want that to be my truth this year. Thus, I’m trying something new and not setting a typical goal(s) or even a word but more of a declaration: I want to live a big life.
Living La Vida … Tiny
My current life is me living small and I’m tired of living off scraps, consumed by doubt and worries and trembling at possibilities versus running towards them at full sprint. It’s hard and somewhat humbling for me to acknowledge this is my reality because in my mind, this is me …
I want to see the lion in my reflection but I don’t. I don’t even see the real me, just a scaredy-cat who sits on the sidelines as life passes her by.
Thanks A Lot, Depression and Anxiety
Old Tanyal had some self-esteem issues but she was quite confident in her abilities. She could conquer anything, if desired, and the world was her oyster. The future was so bright, she had to wear shades (bonus points again if you get the reference). Until Depression punched in her in the face and knocked her out, hard. It took a long, long time to get back up and Current Tanya lost a ton of momentum. But she also discovered something worse: a new best fried called Anxiety.
Depression is a thief who steals weeks, months and years of your life and Anxiety is a destroyer who kills your confidence. And Old and New Tanya are over both of them.
So How Will I Live a Big Life Mean?
I’m working on it. I’m not intentionally being vague or mysterious; I simply haven’t worked out all the details. Because I believe in authenticity and transparency, I wanted to declare my desire to live a big life and most importantly to really uncover what that means to me. It is ambiguous and personal and frankly — that thrills me. I get to decide.
Here’s What I Do Know:
Lots of thoughts and ideas are percolating in my brain, but a big life definitely includes:
- Being healthy. I am on my way to making this a reality for the first time in forever. There is still work to do, especially around maintaining lost weight as I am very good at gaining weight and decent at losing weight but really, really suck at maintaining my weight. 😀
- Comfortable in my own skin. Yes, losing weight and getting fit will help but it’s more than just how my outside looks. Remember the self-esteem issues I mentioned Old Tanya had? Well, those were about looking different and being uncomfortable about it. This directly affects my ability to stop self-sabotaging my efforts to get healthy and to maintain a healthy weight once I do. But I am proud of me for just acknowledging this out loud because it is painful and embarrassing but I want a big life.
- An adventure or two or three. Now I don’t necessarily mean a vacation or trip, although it could. But more so doing something outside my normal comfort zone that I’ve wanted to do and will enrich my life (hopefully) but anxiety has held me back.
I know this is pretty general and low on details but I’m still working those out. I spent nearly six months getting ready to start my get healthy journey and another 3 or 4 months actually getting healthy before I told people about it. While I believe accountability and sharing with others are important to overall success, I also believe there is a right time to tell people too. And I’m not there yet, largely because I’m still at the planning stage!
They See Me Rollin’ (A Big Life); They Hatin’
Is this a big life … maybe!
Okay, maybe I got a little gangsta in me that dreams about makin’ it rain, but that’s not really what I am running towards. But that confidence on her face — Hell, Yeah!
Now the real work begins and I start figuring out what I want MY big life to look like. And I’m ready to do the work and live that big life!
So tell me, what does your big life look like?