It feels that way, right? It’s just not me, right? One day I see the Four Horsemen on the horizon (or maybe I’m numb to the fact we’re in the midst of the apocalypse already and just hallucinating at this point) or everything is finally starting to go our way and a light emerges at the end of a dark, dark and extremely long tunnel. There is no in-between. Everything sucks. Or everything is awesome. It’s enough to make an introvert glad we’re suppose to quarantine … even if we don’t.
I felt an inclination this weekend to write and actually followed up on that urge, which I’m grateful I did. I miss this space. I miss you. I miss writing.
What’s Going On?
Eh, not much because well, you can’t do much these days. But I have plenty of thoughts that I need to get out of my head. Lucky you.
Anxiously Awaiting for My Anxiety to Dissipate
Obviously I haven’t been around much lately, either here or reading your blogs. My go-to defense is that I’m busy but that’s mostly a lie. It’s more I lack the energy to read and type, which really isn’t due to busyness but more my anxiety. I’ve been feeding the beast unfortunately. Too much social media. Too much news. While I don’t want to stick my head-in-the-sand either, my media consumption is unhealthy. Add in the passing of the legend, icon and real-life superhero, the Notorious RBG, I now wake up every morning with my jaw clenched. It’s not good.
I fee like a volcano about to erupt. It’s weird and uncomfortable but also apparently relatively normal these days too.
I am totally falling apart. That's the whole tweet. If you feel this way too I see you and luv you.— T Kira Madden (@tkiramadden) September 25, 2020
All of you feeling the same way, you are not alone.
I’m Collecting, Not Reading.
I’m hoping by the time you read this on Tuesday, this heading will be a lie. that I will have a read a book. But as now, Saturday, September 26 at 3:09 PM, it is a sad but true statement. I keep checking out books, lovingly stroking them, tenderly setting them down on my nightstand so Max doesn’t accidentally barf on them (cats always barf on what you least want them to) and subsequently ignoring them until my library tells me they are due.
I generally try to recheck them out and get grumpy when I cannot because someone else is waiting for it. Of course, even when I keep the book, I don’t read it, which is kind of a jerk thing of me to do.
Reading typically soothes me but thrillers feel too depressing in their realness in most instances. I tend to read a lot of stories with the protagonist is a cop and it makes me sad that they (good and honest and truly embodying the serve and protect all motto) aren’t real. Horror seems to play out every day in the news and frankly I’d rather run into Freddy Krueger than a MAGA hat wearer.
BUT … I ain’t no quitter when it comes to books. Even when I honestly should DNF a book. I want to read. And I feel like I’ll get it back … possibly after November 3rdish.
Be powerful: VOTE.
Oh, When the Pounds, Come Back
Some of you may recall that a couple years ago I lost some weight. I ate right, exercised and it worked. Adios extra weight. I mean I didn’t lose all the weight I wanted but enough. And now. Errrr …. yeah, I’m getting dangerous close to my old size. Again.
I am not happy. But my aforementioned anxiety and tension around everything in the world keeps me chomping down on french fries and what not. And yes, it is my choice to do these things that keep me wearing elastic waistband pants. Sometimes you choose the lesser evil. And if you can’t relate, even if food isn’t your comfort go-to, then you live a very fortunate, privileged life.
While I’m not pleased with the weight gain, I remind myself that I’ve lost weight before and can and will do it again.
In Other News …
- Mainly watching Food Network. Can’t get into anything. It’s either too stupid or too traumatically real. It’s possible I’m in a negative mindset.
- Max continues to be mischievous and I adore him. Obviously. I also have his Halloween costume. It’s not the one I wanted but I still find it super cute and hilarious. Spoiler alert: he does not.
- I’m still in Minnesota, living in my old hometown with no Target. Oddly enough, my pockets are still pretty empty. 🙂 Wasn’t sure if I’d be here now but with Covid and such … still a Minnesotan.
- I have rediscovered my love of true cheese curds. Cuz nobody does them like Minnesota. I see you looking at me, Wisconsin, with your stank eyes. But we do them better. #SorryNotSorry
- Traveling has never been incredibly high on my bucket list. It is now. And I have no idea why. That would also be sarcasm.
- Wear your damn mask.
- I still don’t get TikTok but I love Sarah Cooper. She is hilarious.
- I’m shopping more than I should. It’s another comfort, not a great one but slightly better than stuffing my face. To be fair, sometimes I do both.
- My allergies are driving me bonkers. I hate them. Very, very much.
- Fall is here. It’s my favorite season. Very pretty outside but I dislike what follows immensely.
Skin Color Shouldn’t Determine Worth
Say her name: Breonna Taylor. Say his name: George Floyd.Say it with me:
BLACK LIVES MATTER.
Bidding Adieu on a Happy Note
Always leave them laughing … so a few memes to tickle your funny bone.
So juvenile but so funny too. Or maybe I’m just weird.
Add one oversized ginger tabby and that’s me in a nutshell.
When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense that autocorrect is a drunk phone elf.
I used to think Lita Ford was singing “Kiss Me Daddy”, which was a little weird but I was like 8 years old. It does make more sense that it was “Kiss Me Deadly” which is also the name of the song. Doh!
Back to Blogging Regularly
My goal is to get back to blogging once a week. I make no promises but I’m going to try to get back into a rhythm of both blogging and visiting your blogs too!
Tell me what’s new with you and what song lyrics you got wrong growing up.
Rebecca Jo Vincent says
Can I TELL YOU how much i’ve MISSED YOU!!!!!
I feel like you are my twin. Seriously – everything you say, I’m like YES YES YES.
My anxiety is so over the top – more than its EVER been & that alone is saying something CRAZY.
I have had to just keep the news off because I cant deal. It just makes me feel like its choking me & plus, I look dumb screaming at the screen.
I hope to see you back more & more because YOU are a light in my day!!!
Oh Rebecca Jo, you totally made my day and want to continue blogging. We are definitely twinsies for sure! I’ve heard that dentists are dealing with a lot more patients who have been grinding their teeth and I believe it! I don’t watch much news but visit too many news websites, which is no better, and spend wayyyyyyyyyy too much time on Twitter. I’m just praying that we can get a return to normalcy or at least a path back to it, next month!
So happy to see you in this space!
Don’t beat yourself up over the anxiety and the weight gaining. The world is not a healthy place… it’s impossible to be your very very best in the midst of all the toxicity.
I’ve been reading a lot less. I want to read more, but I’m just so damn tired. Sigh.
Glad Max is doing well! Hope to see you here more often if you’re feeling up to it!!
Thanks Audrey! The world is definitely not a healthy place and I keep telling myself to get back on track, then don’t. But I gotta because I’m really starting to feel and see the weight gain and it feels like I’m letting the “bad guys” win, if that makes any sense at all! Reading used to relax me but for whatever reason, it doesn’t do it so much now. It’s probably the type of books I read. Murder and mayhem is much more enjoyable when the real world isn’t on fire!
Nancy @ NY Foodie Family says
Welcome back! So good to hear what you’ve been up to. It’s a tough world we are living in and your anxiety is totally understandable. So is your wanting to eat all the things (I’m in the same boat, because comfort!) and not want to read. Although, I have been finding reading a good outlet. Looking forward to your posts. Hang in there….things can only get better from here!
Oh, I wish reading would be a great outlet for me and it has been in the past. I didn’t share the books on the link-up but I did have a good little run where I was able to read a few books, then I fell off the wagon again. Ugh.