I’m not proud of this fact. Actually I’m really, really, really pissed off about it because it’s my fault. I dropped the ball. Me. First by not watching what I ate, then progressively eating more and more, followed by not working out. The resulting weight gain shouldn’t be a surprise but it’s still a disappointment. Worse, the blame lands solely at my feet. And you know how I deal with my emotions, especially bad ones, I eat them.
This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. I’ve been on a diet roller coaster for most of my adult life. It’s annoying, frustrating and real big pain in the ass. It’s deeply unfair that you gotta work so damn hard to lose a pound but it’s takes ZERO effort to gain seven pounds.
I AM ANGRY. MAD. SAD. And ready to rumble.
How My Get Healthy Journey Went Sidewise
And I’m over it now. Because I don’t want to rant, I want results. These means I can’t revert back to old Tanya who would give up. Pout and whine and play for your sympathy. Nope, don’t want it. I know what I did wrong. It falls into 3 categories.
I Was Too Aggressive
I intentionally went low carb because my carb addiction was pretty overwhelming and I needed to reset the amount of carbs I ate to a reasonable, healthy amount versus as much as I could stuff in my face. Seriously, that’s how I ate my carbs. And it worked. I reduced my carb intake without morphing into a raging beast and I lost weight. Woo-hoo! But I kept my carb intake too low for too long, particularly since it’s not my intent to ban pasta or potatoes or bread or fruits or starchy veggies forever, but to simply be mindful about the amounts I ate. Because I only allowed an extremely limited amount of carbs, I went a little crazy and couldn’t stop eating them when I did.
Lesson Learned: Slower weight loss is okay, if it means that you can actually do it long-term and reach your goal. And, you know, learn sustainable healthy eating habits.
I Stopped Paying Attention
Up until Christmas I diligently tracked everything: my weight, measurements, calories and fat intake. It was a pain but it worked. After Christmas, I stopped. First, it was because I was sick then … no reason … I just didn’t do it. No, that’s a lie. The initial reason was laziness, plain and simple, and eventually I realized my weight loss was turning into weight gain, but I didn’t want to see the facts. I wanted it to be fake news. Thus, I ignored the obvious, which stressed me out because my brain and heart knew the truth, so I just inhaled more food and stopped exercising consistently.
Lesson Learned: Tracking IS a pain. But it works. Do it.
I Have Self-Sabotage Tendencies
The above two are pretty common problems and fairly easy to remedy but this is the tough one for me. I place unrealistic expectations around being healthy and fit that my brain knows are distorted but I still believe. And it scares me. Because I was seeing great success; because my goal was coming into reach; because I don’t always believe I deserve happiness, I screw up intentionally so my life stays the same — where I am comfortable but not necessarily happy. Like undermining my get healthy efforts by ignoring the obvious: my body telling me to not put that food in my mouth because I wasn’t hungry but bored. Or lonely. Or just scared and anxious. This must stop but honestly I’m not sure how to do it, yet.
Lesson Learned: Stop avoiding doing the work around my self-sabotage tendencies. It won’t go away on its own.
But I’m also, Really, Really, Really Proud of Myself Too
Say whaaaaat? How can I be proud? Well, I am. I am proud because all the previous times I shrugged as the pounds started to creep back on and did nothing about it. This time, I’m not waiting until my weight gain exceeds the amount of weight I lost (happened all the previous times, sadly) but I’m taking care of business now. Today.
- I’m going low-carb for three weeks. To reset my carb intake. Sigh.
- I’m going to increase my carb intake after three weeks, still limiting the amount of bread, pasta and potatoes but adding more veggies and fruits.
- I’m going to schedule cheat meals (1-2 per month) because I do better with them. But a meal versus even a day or a weekend. I struggle harder to get back on track the longer I indulge myself.
- I’m going to get back on a consistent workout schedule.
- I’m going to have to find some help to deal with the self-sabotage issues because I don’t think I can solve the problem myself.
I’ve done this before and can do it again. And I will keep doing it until I get it done.
What’s helped you get back on track when you’ve gotten off goal?