Shout out to Jay-Z because any dude who uses the hook from Annie’s Hard Knock Life and turns it into a rap anthem is cool in my book. But I digress, July is my birthday month. I am a Cancer who was born in the Year of the Rabbit. I am also turning 44 on Saturday. Gulp. 44 is an awfully big number, y’all. Super big. BIG!!!!!
44 Reflections on My Birthday
I’ve previously shared reflections/observations/lessons around my birthday but July wasn’t a great month for me last year so I skipped doing it. This year I wanted to bring it back. Some reflections I’ve shared before but sometimes I need to remind myself again and again and again before it truly sinks in. Also, I’m 44. There is a distinct possibility that I forgot what I previously shared too. In no particular order …
- Don’t chase perfection. It’s impossible to catch.
- Do spend gobs and gobs of time snuggling with your cat. Or your human or your fur baby. It’s time well spent.
- Don’t dwell on past mistakes and wounds. It’s not like you should pretend they never happened, but you don’t have to bask in the hurt either. Move forward.
- Happiness is truly the best revenge against anyone who hurt(s) you, whether with intentional malice or out of ignorance.
- Getting healthy is hard for me. And I’m learning to accept that as a simple truth, like the sun is yellow versus a poor reflection upon myself.
- I like food, some of it not healthy. And that’s okay too. Plain salad may never be my favorite meal, but my get healthy success doesn’t depend on loving it either.
- “No, thank you.” is a perfectly fine response and one that can stand on its own, without further explanation.
- You are never “done”. You are always evolving, changing, learning and growing.
- Smart people know that Diet Coke is the true drink of Gods, not wine. π
- Coffee is also the drink of Gods. This is scientific fact.
- Diversity makes us stronger, not weaker. Those who fear people who look differently, think differently and are different than themselves are the real problem.
- I stand by my belief that Yakko, Wakko and Dot Warner are cats.
- No amount of heel will make anyone believe that I am tall.
- The best Marvel superhero is and shall always be: Goose, The Cat. Followed by Black Panther, also a cat.
- I’m not ashamed by how often I think about Max, talk about Max or smooch on Max.
- Grief is a sign of love. It lessens over time but will always be there, which is a good thing. You’ve given a loved one the greatest honor β loving them as long as you lived, which is something special, rare and beautiful.
- Forgiving yourself isn’t always easy but keep trying.
- You are enough.
- Life isn’t about living up to the expectations others or the world has for you. It’s about you living up to your own expectations, be they lofty dreams or not. They belong to you and are your right.
- Those who shit on you and make you feel insignificant and stupid for daring to dream or having ambitions are the very people who were too afraid to chase after their own dreams. When they see you living your best life, it triggers them and reminds them of their own smallness, so they put you down to make themselves big again. Not all dreams are meant to come true and that’s okay. But whatever you do β don’t let the naysayers stop you from believing in yourself. Or worse β be your own biggest naysayer.
- Life truly is a journey. What you want at 10, at 20, at 30, at 44 will be the same and different and that’s okay. Honor where you are in your journey.
- I am woman, hear me roar.
- Strawberry cake and red velvet cupcakes are yummy and delicious. And I swear that I don’t love them because they are pink and redβmy two favorite colors.
- Human feet can be lovely, weird, and groddy-to-the-max, but cat feet are always, always adorable. ALWAYS!
- I may be a better reader than writer. Or maybe I’m still holding myself back, censoring thoughts, words and feelings and only letting the generic, safe and boring flow out.
- Sometimes when I sit at my desk for a long time and get up, my knees creak when I walk. I don’t like this.
- I am a known plant serial killer and have killed every single plant I have ever attempted to grow. But I am also a giver of life to my two, rescued cats, Emeril (RIP, my best boy kitty) and Max. And I would much rather give life and home to cats then plants.
- I am a Korean who does not like Korean food. I love Italian food. Mexican food. Middle Eastern food. Indian food. I do love Chinese food but not really a big fan of Japanese or Thai food. I feel bad being an Asian who doesn’t really like Asian food.
- One of my biggest dreams is to hire a housekeeper. It’s not a lofty dream but one I want deeply because I hate cleaning.
- Once upon a time, it irritated me when people thought I was younger than I looked, and my parents told me that I would miss hearing that some day … and today is NOT that day, because the lady at the DMV told me I looked 18. Holla Fallon β you the best! And I cannot believe I just hallelujah-ed the DMV.
- Failure isn’t the end. It is a beginning. You tried something and it didn’t work, which is hard and may require mourning time. But it also ushers in a new dream or goal, which may be the one you were always meant to achieve.
- Depression is a part of my story, but it is not my whole story. It is, in fact, the least interesting part of me. I need to treat it as such.
- Some days I believe myself to be brilliant, perhaps even a genius. And other days I trip over my own feet, can’t remember how to spell “the”, and forget to put coffee grounds in the coffeemaker before hitting brew.
- There are lots of things I’d tell my younger self but it all boils down to this important life lesson: wear sunscreen! 44 you is super pissed that 28 you did not religiously wear sunscreen. Girl, we got them age spots and they ain’t glorious.
- It’s hard coming up with 44 reflections/lessons/observations.
- I procrastinate. Often times the really important things. The things that scare me and also really matter and excite me on a cellular level. It is my most vicious form of self-sabotage. I am trying to break myself of this.
- It’s time to smash the patriarchy. But before equality for all can truly exist, we, as women, must also acknowledge how we supported/continue to support patriarchal norms. Many women are resistant to this because they want to pretend they didn’t behave in such a manner but we all did β to varying degrees and lengths of time because IT WAS THE NORM. Being an unwitting participant doesn’t make you a horrible person or evil but choosing not to learn, to listen, to adjust and to be better ongoing β will make you a co-conspirator from here on out. Make the right choice.
- It’s not fair that macaroni and cheese or french fries or cinnamon rolls makes your booty big, while romaine lettuce and radishes and green peppers do not.
- I’ve discovered certain books increase my anxiety exponentially, which is partially why my reading funk persists. Sorry murder books. I still heart you but apparently need to be all happy, happy, joy, joy to read you without needing a Xanax afterwards.
- A baby step is okay.
- I am more Type A than I like to admit. To be fair, I’m only really Type A in some areas. Other areas, like putting away my laundry, I’m Type Sloth.
- I’ve succeeded; I’ve failed. Failing hurts but it’s not the worst result. Giving up on yourself and/or downplaying your dreams or abilities is. Why? At some point, you stop trying and settle for crumbs, and those talents you have (yes, we all have them) atrophy and wither away.
- It’s been a bit bleak in the world lately, but I still believe in the goodness of people. That light will overcome dark. Life, after all, is the oldest, grandest tale still being told. Good and evil continually fight an epic battle for the soul of humanity. When evil’s chokehold seems invincible, we rise up in our different shapes and sizes, colors and creeds β imperfect in almost every way β yet united in our belief in love, liberty, and freedom. We punch back, exposing evil’s dark lies to its mortal enemy: the light of truth. Right now, we’ve been fighting skirmishes with wins and losses, but I do believe that we β the hope and light β will prevail in the end.
- Love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love.

And Just One More …
And as a bonus … 44 is still freaking young and I look good, baby. π Also I hate taking selfies with a passion. I might be the absolute worst at it. Maybe I ought to be proud of that fact? Yes, I have decided to a proudly bad selfie-taker.
Happy Birthday to Me
My plans are pretty simple. I have a birthday brunch, although not until next week, and a birthday breakfast scheduled. And yes, breakfast is my favorite meal (but I’m still a big fan of lunch and dinner too). I’m looking forward to all the carbs because they don’t count on your birthday. They. Do. Not. Count. I repeat: calories/carbs don’t count when eaten on or around your birthday. This is irrefutable law. Don’t question it.
Your Turn
Do you have great lessons to share with me, as I bravely move into my 44th year on this earth? I’ve also decided that 44 will be great β end of discussion.
Tanya
YES ma’am … to all the wisdom you have & share.
I sit for so long at my desk & I have to keep up in phases. Stand. Move slow. move faster. then moan.
I JUST told someone this week that I wish I would have paid more attention to skin care. Dear Lord – the spots… who needs freckles when you have huge sun spots? SIGH
Goose? Why can’t I think who that is… gotta go Google right now.
Did you see Starbucks has new Strawberry cake pops? They are adorable too!
Amen – light will always win. It can be dark for awhile… but light will come back around.
If you dont post tomorrow – I’ll leave a HUGE HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you right now… Hope you celebrate it up!!
For some strange reason, don’t ask me why, when I was young, I thought age spots were kind of cool. Maybe some sort of rite of passage? Well, now that I’m old and have them, I can unequivocally say that they suck! Goose was the cat in Captain Marvel. π Thanks for the birthday wishes – much appreciated!
I love all of these so much!! Iβm totally a serial plant killer. We got a plant from my husbands grandmothers funeral and Iβm making him water it. I canβt be responsible for the death of that plant!!!
Oh gosh. I totally understand and would be the same way. There is no way it would survive me and I wouldn’t want to bear that responsibility either! π
These are great Tanya!
I am a huge procrastinator. I get it from my dad who incidentally shares a birthday with you π See, another reason why we are friends!! π
Thanks, Mackenzie! I am the worst procrastinator and it’s annoying. But still I persist at procrastinating. LOL! And Happy Birthday to your Dad, fellow Cancer and July Birthday celebrator.
happy birthday! you dont look a day over 30. i am 100% type A and proud of it; we Bs get shizz done.
And that’s why I love you. Day over 30. You lie so wonderfully. π
SUPER cute selfie, lady! And happy birthday!!! I hope you have a wonderful, yummy, exciting, kitty-cuddly, relaxing, restful, celebratory weekend!!!
I love the point about “No thank you.” And obviously DOWN WITH THE D*MN PATRIARCHY.
And what else is love if not more love and love and love. No room for hate here.
Aw, thanks Audrey! If we could focus a bit more on love than hate, this world would be a much better place. Appreciate all the b-day wishes. I had a great day with lots of kitty cuddles, whether he wanted to snuggle or not! π
YESSS to the Ren and Stimpy reference!!! Hahaha, I had to look up Goose the cat (even though I saw the movie) and I have to agree! I also had to look up the Animaniacs, because I was sure they WERE cats! I definitely plan on at least getting a cleaning company to come in yearly if not quarterly, but I haven’t done so yet because I feel the need to clean my apartment before they come (which i’m aware sounds ridiculous). #34- do you remember that song?! A baby step is still a step! Hope 44 is great! Happy belated birthday- enjoy your breakfast birthday bash!
I find dog people insist Yakko, Wakko and Dot are dogs and cat people see cats. And as a cat person, I am 100% positive they are cats! π Oh, I know lots of people who “need” to clean their apartment prior to have cleaners come in. I will not be that person. I will be the person who apologizes profusely and tips generously! Thanks for the birthday wishes – much appreciated!
Happy belated birthday! These reflections are great! And you look amazing! 44 looks good on you! Those Korean genes are good for looking younger. I also get mistaken for being much younger than I am. I am also a plant killer….I keep buying them thinking things will change and I’ll suddenly have a green thumb. My husband calls me the plant slayer. BTW, where did you get your glasses? Since my dry eyes diagnosis and sitting at a computer all day for work I’ve had to wear my glasses. I’d like new frames but haven’t found ones that I really like.
Thanks, Nancy! Those Korean genes definitely do have some benefits. It bothered me when I was young but definitely not any longer! I do the same – I keep buying plants and murdering them. I got my glasses from glassesusa.com. They have great prices and they always, always have sales. So if you don’t need them urgently, you can wait until they have a 50% off sale (the total price, not just the frames which are typically inexpensive. It’s the lenses that are expensive, especially if you need multi-focal lenses like me. Boo!).