One of my all-time favorite Disney movies is The Lion King. This should surprise no one; I am a crazy cat lady and lions are cats. My favorite song was “Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase. Hakuna Matata! Ain’t no passing craze. It means no worries for the rest of your days.” Come on. You know you want to sing it with me. 🙂 I love the idea of a worry-free life. One where I’m not constantly gripped with anxiety and that trickle of fear no longer seeps into my every thought and action. But … I’m also realizing a worry-free life really isn’t possible. Nor is that a bad thing either.
Like most people, I am a walking contradiction. I’m brave. I’m scared. I’m kind. I’m cruel. And so on. It becomes its own balance, which is good. But right now, I have no balance against my anxiety. Depression ground my no-worry vibes to dust, leaving me as helpless as a newborn against the onslaught of doubt, despair, unworthiness and uncertainty that stains my consciousness and choices.
The High Cost of Anxiety
This is also uncharted territory for me. Everyone experiences anxiety, but it has never been where I begin. Now it is my constant companion. And I hate it. It is a dream killer and a life ender, because it is hard to chase dreams and enjoy life when anxiety inhales all your joy, confidence and faith, leaving behind dread, worry and fear.
My anxiety has taken years of my life and dreams. This needs to end. Life is too short to spend it curled into an indecisive, pathetic ball of misery. At the same time, I also recognize the idea of a worry-free life has seduced me and lured me into its trap. It would certainly be nice if every single day was rainbows and lollipops but that is Hollywood magic, not real life. And when you pursue what doesn’t exist, you set yourself up for constant disappointment. The very nature of life means there will be worries. And hurts. And pain. That’s living.
And I want to live. Mindfully.
3 Tips To Reduce Anxiety and Take Back Control
Here’s how I’m giving anxiety the boot:
Accept Anxiety
I am one anxious knot, but I am also extremely resistant to my anxiety. It’s like an evil invader that I must battle. But should I? Certainly constant anxiety is not good. Nor is allowing my anxiety to prevent me from living. But just like Simba learned in The Lion King, a worry-free life isn’t so grand either. Sometimes resistance just makes things worse because you’re battling without necessarily understanding why you’re fighting. It’s war for the sake of war. The better response is to accept that I am feeling anxious AND learn why. It’s the why that will give me an actual enemy to vanquish because anxiety itself is not the bad guy.
Be in the Moment
When I feel panicky or uneasy, I find switching gears and being in the moment can help minimize the pressure on me. Because when we are at our most anxious we are often lost in concerns about “what if” or in future worries. Getting back to the present can help ground us. Ask yourself: What do you need to do this minute, this hour, this day to feel at peace? I’m not suggesting you adopt a #YOLO mindset, but to live purposefully in the moment. What is the best use of my time? What would make me happy (within reason and budget) this moment? What do I need (in terms of self-care) right now? Allow yourself to relax so that you can tackle whatever you need to do from a place of serenity and strength versus dread and fear.
Don’t Believe the Lies
Depression and anxiety are playground bullies who will fill your head with lies if you let them. They will tell you, repeatedly, that you are stupid. Weak. Unworthy. Talent-less. And you will fall for these lies if you are not careful. Simba laughed in the face of danger and you should laugh in the face of your anxiety. I’m in no way suggesting anxiety is a joke; it’s not. Trust me, I know this. But you need to find a way minimize its power over you. And every bully hates to be laughed it and anxiety is no different. Laughter helps me see the lies. Figure out what helps you see the lies too.
Anxiously Awaiting to Bid Anxiety Adieu
My good friend, Depression, has so kindly gifted me with this never-ending bout of anxiety. I tried to return it, but they were firm on their no-return policies. Bastards. But I am also smart and wily. Anxiety doesn’t have to rule my life. While some days are still a struggle, I figured out what helps reduce its stranglehold on me. If you suffer from anxiety, whether depression related or not, I hope these tips also help you manage your anxiety. You can beat this. We can beat this.
Do suffer from anxiety? What helps you overcome and move forward?
Tanya
That sucks that you’re going through this, but I’m glad you’re learning how to manage it and not let anxiety control your life! Ryan’s had issues with anxiety off and on for the last 2 years and, as an outsider, it’s not always easy to understand, so it’s always helpful when people who have experienced it explain what it’s like. His approach is similar to yours and he says the thing that helps the most is remembering it’s anxiety talking (“don’t believe the lies”).
I’ve never really dealt with anxiety at this level before, so it’s been a real learning experience for me as well. And I have great empathy for those who suffer from it too. It can be really debilitating and hard for people to understand, especially when people who didn’t suffer from anxiety previously suddenly are. It’s not always easy to manage but remembering to not believe the lies definitely helps.
learning how to manage anxiety was tough for me. When I got off my meds, I was terrified that I’d spiral back down but I’ve learned that i NEED routine and structure in my life which helps keep the anxiety at bay so I work hard to make sure that I stick to it as much as possible. If I know I’m going into a situation where I’m not sure if I can get similar structure/routine, then I have to mentally prepare myself for that and it usually works out well.
I also exercise a LOT to keep those feel-good endorphins flowing through my body…I also make sure I have some “me” time. These coping mechanisms were learned through therapy and I’ve stuck to them for years now.
I need to get better about following a routine and adding structure to my life. I let a lot of stuff slide and routine will make a huge difference in getting me back on track and feel less anxious. Exercise is another area that I really need to focus on. I know it needs to be a regular part of my life, but I’ve been so resistant (am lazy) and need to put my big girl pants on and just do it!
I’ve never felt depression (other than feeling the occasional blues), but I’ve definitely felt anxiety. Not so severe that it’s parlaying, although I had a couple minor panic attacks in my late 20s. There are way too many tricks to name here, but one thing I want to ask is, is there one thing that may be the root of your anxiety? Like money? Is there one step you can take to reduce that particular worry? Meaning any step in a proactive direction could help in the interim. For instance, when I was stressed about money, I’d ask friends if they needed any help where I could make a little extra cash. Or I’d apply for some jobs. Anything that made me feel like I was doing something…anything that is step in the direction of easing my worries. My other approach is a bit more radical, and I will email you offline because if people read it, they might not be happy.
Great question, Tonya. The root of my anxiety is fear/failure. I have a lot of fear about failing. I tend to be very hard on myself and have high expectations, which I have normally meet. But my depression threw me off my game and now my anxiety makes me so worried about trying or pursuing opportunities that I hew and haw for so long that the opportunity is long gone. But you are right that any step, big or tiny, in the right direction helps. I’m curious about your other approach and will email you. 🙂
Yes, I do suffer from anxiety also. What I try to remember is a statement someone told me a long time ago and I use it to keep myself in check. If something is causing me anxiety, I think “Is this going to matter a month from now? Is this going to matter a year from now? 5 years from now?” and I ask myself these questions. Most of the time (not always) this helps put into perspective what it is that is giving me anxiety. If I can figure out what is causing my anxiety and name it, then that’s half the battle.
*hugs
That’s great, Mackenzie. I use something similar when it comes to making a big decision and it would work well with anxiety too. Perspective is definitely a big deal because as you well know, your perspective can be seriously skewed when you’re anxious. And yes, understanding what’s causing your anxiety can really help you manage it!
As I’m reading this, I am relating and empathizing with so much of it. The fact that you ended this post with a “We can beat this!” caused me to say “YES!” aloud.
I like that your list of things to help beat anxiety are short and not overly complicated. To me, that helps with this battle. I’m pulling for you!
Yes! We can definitely beat this, Erin! I just can’t do complicate and love simple solutions. I’m pulling for you too, Erin. We can beat this!
I suffered for many years from both Depression and Anxiety. It is solidly the Word that keeps me going and helps me keep both at bay now.
“Cast your cares upon the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22)
“Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
“I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)
These and other verses help me to put my cares, fears, and anxiety onto Jesus’ lap. I work to identify what brought on the anxiety (I can almost always trace it back to something that made me scared), and then I visualize myself placing the fear into Jesus’ hands. It helps me SO much!!!
Thank you for sharing your favorite verses with me, Laurie. They are quite beautiful. I agree that identifying what brought on my anxiety is key. Like you, it is often fear for me too. And I’m all for letting it go.
I have pretty crippling anxiety. It’s usually that which triggers the depression. It’s horrid, and it’s been off the charts bad the last few months. It’s preventing me from being able to do anything, it’s killed my hustle and ability to work at anything beyond maintaining life, and well, you know the rest because our stories are similar.
However. I can’t live like it anymore so I’ve started exercising again (like Kathy says, it really does help), went back on my Vitamin D, and manage my days in bits and pieces. I’m doing a lot of soul searching to get my hustle back because I need to work (working and keeping my mind busy help keep the anxiety and depression at bay. This is precisely why I am a terrible SAHM).
Not believing the lies? Well, that’s the hard part. As soon as I figure out a trick to do it, I promise to share.
I’m so sorry that your anxiety has been so bad lately. It sucks, plain and simple. I’m really trying to push myself beyond maintenance mode because, like you, I can’t keep living like this. I need to get on a consistent exercise program, eat better and really get a routine set. And yes! When I can keep my mind busy and focused, it helps SO MUCH! For a long time, I didn’t recognize this, so I sat around and marinated in my depression. Now I try to keep busy, which definitely helps. And yeah, I know not to believe the lies, but always remembering to not believe them is hard. So hard some days. Stay strong, my friend. Always here for you if need someone to commiserate with or to listen.
you absolutely can beat this!
i don’t suffer from depression, but i do have anxiety a lot of the time. probably not as serious, and i’m not trying to say that, but being anxious is never fun 🙁 i agree though, hiding from it or ignoring it has never helped me. sometimes i simply have to tell myself there’s only so much i can do – so if i am worried about ‘what if’ or what is going to happen when xyz happens, well how can i know that? it’s literally not in my control. some things are in my control, so i try not to get anxious about them, but if i do i try and face it head on and find out why and what i can do to make it go away. and you are right – chasing something that doesn’t exist will never end well.
do you like the aristocats too? haha. one of my faves! oliver and company too. i like the lion king but its not a huge favourite.
I never realized how crippling anxiety could be until now. Before, I was probably more like you. I suffered from it on occasion but was able to deal with it. Now it can really overwhelm me but recognizing what I can and cannot control does make a difference.
I do like the Aristocats but I love The Lion King. It’s been years since I saw the Aristocats, so my memory of it isn’t great. But I liked the tomcat who was a ginger if I remember correctly. I’ve always had a great fondness for lazy, ginger tomcats. 🙂