Thank you so much for your kind words of support and encouragement to my big announcement that I was FINALLY taking the necessary steps to get healthy. I appreciate it so much, because anyone who has ever had to lose weight, knows how difficult it can be. You also made me laugh after every single comment because pretty much everyone gave advice on eating. And that’s not where I’m starting. Sorry. #NotSorry.
Before I share why I chose exercise over food, I must confess a secret: I wrote that post almost three months ago. I’ve been getting my exercise routine locked and loaded since June but wasn’t ready to share until now.
Goals Should Be Rooted Before Sharing
I attended many self-help retreats in my early 30’s and one of my mentors taught me about balancing accountability while protecting your fragile goals. Goals are like seedlings, fragile when first planted and unable to withstand much of anything. But a deeply rooted plant can survive so much more, like naysayers, fear and scorn, even when you’re the naysayer.
While I am blessed with supportive readers, I wanted to feel confident that I wasn’t once again making a proclamation that I would either have to pretend I never said or admit to another failure. Given the success of the past few month, I do feel confident about my ability to achieve my goal of good health and am ready to publicly share my goal with you, including my successes and failures.
The Biggest Impact: Food or Exercise?
The answer is food or both with food making the biggest difference. I know this and yet I made the deliberate choice to start with exercise.
Food and I Have a Difficult Relationship
Some of my food difficulties are relatively simple: relearning portion size and what full versus stuffed feels like. Some will be harder because I love them so, like decreasing the amount of carbs, specifically potatoes, pasta and bread, I eat daily. And some are super duper hard and scary, like confronting my emotional eating.
Figuring out the why behind my eating (or to be more accurate, overstuffing myself) will be cathartic — a riddle solved and a weight lifted off my shoulders. While other times, I will resist and sink back into the black hole of despair.
I know this and it scares me. This is important work that will make a huge difference in my ability to become and stay healthy. And in order to do this, I needed to get strong first.
Physically and Mentally Strong Win the Day
I have never been a physically strong. My work is not physical, nor are my hobbies. But my brain is sharp and a source of great pride to me until it turned on me. My depression left me both physically and mentally weak, and I remain bitterly hurt and angry that my prized brain betrayed me. How it not only robbed me of my joy but also my confidence in myself. While I consider myself to be in recovery, a potential relapse is always on the horizon. And unpacking those secrets you hide within yourself (whether true or false, you still believed them) can be incredibly triggering and yet necessary work.
It may not be possible to ever completely avoid a relapse, but my ability to fight against the numbness, to not cave in when things get tough, requires me to be both physically and mentally strong. To see the lies and to differentiate between a truth (even a hard one) versus a depression lie that leaves me munching on potato chips.
Plus, those happy endorphins do exist. And do make a difference.
And Really, It’s about Me, Not You.
I knew putting exercise first might raise an eyebrow or two in the peanut gallery. But I don’t care. This is about me and what makes sense for me. Just as you should do what makes sense for you, even if flies in the face of conventional wisdom. I feel good about my decision because I am physically and mentally stronger. One of my very best, recent days occurred after my first workout and how strong and proud I felt. How I was ready to do it again. And my second best day happened when I realized my workouts had become automatic. I just did them. Something I never believed would ever happen to me.
Gotta Burn, Burn Those Calories
I originally planned to also share how I — an avowed exercise hater — managed to successfully implement a workout schedule, but then this post would feel like a million words long, so we’ll save it for next week. Just know that I’m burning up those calories as I put the pieces together to tackle food next.
What are some of your favorite exercises? If you have any recommendations for videos (DVD or YouTube is fine), please share them as well. Right now I’m too self-conscious to take classes, so things I can do from home is preferred.
Tanya
I think exercise first makes perfect sense. For me, while exercise doesn’t shift the scale on its own, it definitely makes it easier to eat healthy. I think Gretchen Rubin called that a cornerstone habit – one that starts a chain effect and makes other habits easier to follow. Exercising builds my will power and makes me crave unhealthy foods less, both physically and emotionally.
Good luck, lady! I’ll be following along because I could use the inspiration (and a kick in the pants!). I’ve been prioritizing business and baby and completely neglecting my own health.
Exercise has definitely had a chain effect on me and it’s definitely becoming a cornerstone habit, which I love. My pants are looser, although like you, it’s not a huge impact on the scale but enough to keep me motivated. It’s so easy to put everything else before our health. I’ve been guilty of doing that for so long and I cannot keep doing it.
i love this. for me, i started out with food which was my hardest thing to tackle because cake and cupcakes and chocolate! i wanted to get that down/under control before i started the other difficult thing (exercise). like you, i took baby steps knowing that at some point, i’d eventually get to my 2nd goal of exercise once i successfully formed a habit of eating better.
i love that you’re taking the baby steps and investing in the time it takes to form good habits; you’re well on your way to success! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! i’m so glad you posted your update because those little things – the need to exercise, the exhilaration you feel after a great workout etc…those are non-scale victories that just keep you motivated to keep going.
my fav exercise (obviously), is muay thai. combat sports incorporate both cardio and strength training all in one and it’s so.much.fun!! as for home vids, jillian michaels 30-day shred, p90x, body beast..these are all great workouts. if you want intense cardio, Insanity asylum.
Baby steps have been really helpful because even though I knew that was the right way to change/break old habits, I always went big. And it was too much and I failed. Granted, I probably was doing that on purpose too. 😀 I’ve never really experienced feeling exhilarated after a workout or for exercise to be habit, but it feels amazing! Some day I’d like to try something like muay thai but I’m not there yet. I know how much you love it! In a couple of months that I’m going to be ready to kick up the intensity of my workouts, so I’m going to check out the home vids and I appreciate the recommendations.
I think that PopSugar has the best work out videos out there. So many options for all sorts of physical ranges. Some of them are great… & some of them, I dont care for – but try them out & keep a folder of your favorites.
I’ve pinned quite a few of the PopSugar videos and they look really good. I’m excited to try and appreciate the recommendation!
I definitely understand taking the exercise route. I did both exercise and cutting out certain foods bit by bit. So glad to hear you are getting healthy and yes, exercise definitely helps with depression! 🙂
I really focused on exercise and did some small tweaks to my food, with no real pressure though so that way I didn’t feel overwhelmed. Exercise definitely has helped with my depression.
I’m terrible at exercising. I’m much better at eating good, healthy things. But to be honest, I’m not great at either right now. Best of luck to you, though!! I know you can do it! (And some day I’ll follow suit!)
I am/was terrible at both. I am an emotional eater who hates exercise, which is a terrible combination and always made it hard for me. And being a self-saboteur to my good health didn’t help either. Thanks for the support!
Nike has a great app for workouts at home. And as far as classes, do not be self-conscious. I totally understand because I was there but I figured at some point everyone was just like me. If you’re somewhere that has people judging you, it’s their problem not yours.
I started with exercise, too. It was a harder thing for me to establish as a routine and I wanted to get that done first before I started tackling food.
I’ll have to checkout the Nike app. Good point about the gym. There are several gyms very close to my home and I see all sizes going in there so I know it’s in my head. Yeah, exercise was definitely the right place for me too start. I am actually somewhat excited to change my eating habits after feeling good about my exercising.