Oh, Happy Day! That’s the song I want to sing when I wake-up. Unfortunately, most days I wake up singing, nope, nope, nope. Thus, I’m always on the lookout for ways to increase my happiness or my overall level of contentment. When Jenn from Optimal Actualization gave The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin a rave review, I immediately added it to my TBR. While not a life-changing read for me, I still found plenty of golden nuggets to implement.
A Quick Recap: The Happiness Project
After realizing she spent too little time focused on the things that really matter (sound familiar? yes, replies everyone), Gretchen Rubin spent a year improving her life and increasing her happiness. Each month she tackled new resolutions, like ask for help, while ultimately discovering that both big and small changes can make a profound difference. I enjoyed Rubin’s humor and candor. Sometimes she annoyed me, but I also appreciate her realness and how she didn’t hide the less flattering parts of herself.
A Cautionary Note
This is not a new book, full of revolutionary ideas, which is not a bad thing at all. I often find certain things resonate stronger with me at different times in my life, even when the concepts are already familiar to me. If you are very familiar with happiness concepts and want the latest and greatest ideas on happiness, this may not be the right book for you. But if you want a refresher or are new to exploring ways to improve your happiness, then this a good book for you. Also note, this is Rubin’s story so some (or many) of her resolutions may not reflect areas that interest you.
More Happiness Leads to a Better Life
These are the golden nuggets that really hit home with me.
Everyone Deserves Happiness
Rubin was honest about her initial guilt or uncomfortableness with seeking more happiness … is it selfish? Narcissist? She concluded it wasn’t and I wholeheartedly concur with her assessment.
Many ills and wrongs exist in this world, but my being unhappy does not solve those problems. If anything, it makes things worse, because when we are personally unhappy (which Rubin noted and I will stress is very different from being clinically depressed), we tend to be our most selfish. The woe me factor is high and we only see our own suffering. But when we are happy or content, our willingness to help others expands and grows. This served as a great reminder that wanting to improve my happiness was more than a worthy cause but a necessity.
You Can Improve Happiness without Leaving Home
I tend to be a romantic at heart, so I also envision growth happening at far-flung locales, i.e. Eat Love Pray style. And with no disrespect to Elizabeth Gilbert, most of us cannot go elsewhere to find ourselves or our happiness but must do so within the confines of our current reality. Rubin was in the same situation and wanted to increase her happiness without being uprooted, which I found refreshing and hopeful.
At retreats, I make grandiose promises and goals because I get caught up in the group energy and I’m also not standing in my apartment with dirty dishes on the counter and clothes piled on the bedroom floor. This explains my actual struggle with implementing the changes I desired once I returned home. Pie-in-the-sky goals no longer entice me, because I see the lie. Real change in the world I currently inhabit is what I seek.
Determining Your Own Happiness Commandments
One thing I plan to emulate is the happiness commandments Rubin created at the start of her project. These commandments acted her guiding principles and were simple but hard actions, such as Be Gretchen, let it go and so on. This resonated strongly with me because I am someone who follows the herd or is a people pleaser. This is a way to separate what I want from what others want/expect from me that don’t align with my happiness resolutions. My commandments represent me and act as my beacon. To shine a light on what I actions to take and to help me see when I start to fall back into old habits.
The Power Resolutions Versus Goals
I tend to poo-poo resolutions because no one keeps them, especially me. But Rubin did not create happiness goals and instead created resolutions, which initially struck me as odd until she explained that goals are meant to be achieved and replaced with another goal. Her resolutions, on the other hand, were not meant to be achieved once but intended to become a part of her DNA, so to speak. A core belief or habit that she did not do once but did every day, sometimes repeatedly in the same day to help stay/maintain/increase her happiness and the happiness of those around her. This is a radical shift for me and I plan to distinguish goals (which people should still have) from resolutions.
To Read or Not To Read? I Say Yes!
Most people could use a little more happiness in their lives but don’t know where to begin. Or even know if they should be so bold. I say you should be so bold because you deserve happiness. Everyone does. If happiness or contentment seems elusive, I recommend you read The Happiness Project. It definitely helped me gain some insight and look at some of my behaviors and beliefs in a new light. My plan is to create my own Happiness Project and I’ll be sharing more of plans and resolutions with you in the upcoming weeks.
Have you read The Happiness Project? If so, do you create your own happiness project? Are you happy with the amount of happiness in your life? Why or why not?
Tanya
i haven’t read that book because i have no issues with making myself happy! i’m allllll about doing things for myself and creating happiness in this little world of mine. BE TANYA is your #1 way to begin to create happiness in your life; then it’s do things for yourself and screw what others say 🙂
Good for you, Kathy. You’re an inspiration to me! Yes, being Tanya is definitely key. I just have to figure out who she is but that will be fun, I think. 🙂
i am like you, things resonate stronger with me at certain times in my life so i am not opposed to reading something that is older or might not have the latest and greatest ideas or whatever. i still haven’t read this book but i’ve heard about it a bunch and i am curious. i am picking up a lot from other people (like jenn or you or nadine or anyone else) so i feel like i am still getting the benefit of the book without reading it haha. i like the difference between resolutions and goals, i never thought of it like that.
It’s strange how something things just harder at different times. I, too, feel that I get more from reading about Jenn’s happiness project. Maybe because I know her and can relate a bit better to her goals. I loved how she differentiated between resolutions and goals, because both have their place.
I have heard about this book so much – I’ve got to add it to my library MUSTS!
Absolutely, Rebecca Jo! It’s definitely worth your time!
I read this book about two years ago or so. I remember I was in Oregon at the time and looking for ANYTHING to help my blues. I liked the book at the time, but I can’t remember anything that stood out for me. But I did enjoy reading it 🙂
LOL! I have definitely had that happen to me a time or two. You like the book but for the life of you can’t remember why! 🙂 There were definitely some good points that I plan to incorporate and believe can make a difference.
Thanks for sharing your review of the book. I have not read this book before and will definitely need to add this to my reading list. Thanks again for sharing!!!
You’re welcome! I hope you enjoy it and appreciate you stopping by.
Oh ha. To me the whole concept of having a structured project to increase happiness seemed revolutionary. But I guess I just haven’t done much reading in that are up until now. I also liked that Gretchen made the happiness project work with her current life, instead of needing to start over somewhere to find happiness. I fully believe that all my little dissatisfactions are petty things that I would bring with me no matter where I went and I’m currently achieving a lot of the things I wanted, so the best way to be happier is to improve myself, not my life, which is fine.
Glad you read it and had enough thoughts on it to write a post!
I can definitely see how that would be a revolutionary concept. And I absolutely loved that Gretchen made it work with her current life versus going somewhere else to start over. Most of us can’t do that – so when I read stories like that I always think “some day” whereas Gretchen reminded me that happiness can and should be found at home right now. I can get annoyed easily (sometimes and generally over dumb things), which makes me unhappy because I dwell upon what irritates or frustrates me. It’s why one of my resolutions will definitely be to let go, which is also hard to do. Thanks again for recommending the book!
I LOVE The Happiness Project! It’s my favorite of Rubin’s books. It even inspired me to choose Happy for my word of the year for this past year. I should really create monthly goals as well since I don’t do resolutions either.
Love that you choose the word happy for your focus word. I haven’t had time to set down to plot my resolutions and goals yet but I’m anxious to do so too.
For some reasons her books don’t resonate with me. I do like her podcast though. Here is a book on Happiness that I read which I really liked. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Equation-Nothing-Anything-Everything/dp/B01AIUWCH0
Thanks for the referral. I will definitely check out that book; it sounds right up my alley.