Every day a thousand random thoughts and questions fill my mind. Some are fleeting; some linger. Sometimes, they serve as a great distraction from laundry, dishes and other mundane chores that I want to avoid doing. Other times, they are more annoying than a buzzing fly who is stalking me from room-to-room while my cat is unable to smite him with his mitts of doom. Seriously, Max is my bug terminator with 3 kills to his good name. But even he is helpless against the randomness of my mind.
The Questions that Make Me Go “Huh?”
I decided to write down some of my strange and random thoughts last week because A) I promised some lighter posts and B) Because I’m weird like that, okay? Here are a few things that made me roll my eyes, question my sanity and decide that I was brilliant (see #2).
1. Why Do I Receive E-Mails for …
- Breast implants and viagra. Would one cancel out the need for the other?
- Weight loss supplements. Okay, maybe I need these, but it’s kind of rude. Just saying.
- Cancer treatment drugs. Ummm … Do you know something I don’t?
- Some dude named Scott (not my brother) who claims he has a message for me. I got a message for you too: Bite. Me.
- Burial insurance. Ummm … Universe? Starting to get a little nervous here.
- Senior Apartment Rentals. Not that old yet, thank you very much!
Sadly, my personal email did not receive any urgent requests from a Somalian Prince who needs my help, which is a bit hurtful. Members of various royal families are always seeking my counsel. Or money. Fortunately, lest I think they no longer care about me, there was one in my sasspurrella designs inbox regarding a $15 million project. I’m so excited!
2. Why is Donald Trump so Orange?
Is he secretly an Oompa Loompa billionaire? Or are Oompa Loompas deeply offended by this mimicry? Maybe his “hair” went bad and discolored his skin. Because any normal person would notice their self-tanner is making them orange and stop. And honestly, I don’t know of any race with naturally orange skin, so we should probably deport him and build a wall to keep him out. Although he is probably contagious, so maybe the CDC should quarantine him until … say, Wednesday, November 9? And maybe Ted Cruz should be quarantined with him so he doesn’t get lonely.
3. Why Does Max “Need” Me When I’m Busy?
And when I “need” him, he is nowhere to be found? I actually know the answer to this one — he’s a cat. They do as they please, silly human.
4. Why Does Bad Taste Good?
Why must chocolate cake, mashed potatoes, chicken parmesan, potato chips and bread taste so yummy while brussel sprouts taste so yucky? Who really decides what’s good for you and what’s not? How do we know they are right? Beyond, of course, the thunder thighs and bulging bellies one produces while the other does not.
5. Why Hasn’t the Jetson’s Future Come to Fruition?
Why don’t we have robots to clean our homes and make us dinner? George and Jane Jetson were middle-class folk and they had them. You’d think by now we would too. I want to order my robot to scrub my floors, do my laundry and open jars of pickles for me. And tell me I’m pretty and people like me too. 🙂
6. Why Do I Sneeze Every Morning?
And stop after 30 minutes? Am I allergic to waking up? Maybe, I should just stay in bed longer. I shall get a note from the doctor to excuse me from morning work, which my boss will surely understand. Wait. I am the boss! Sadly, I’m a stickler, so I still have to work — sneezing be damned.
7. Why Did This Happen?
Prince Rogers Nelson … a musical legend, icon and fellow Minnesotan passed away last Thursday. He left us far too early, but I am forever grateful that we were blessed with 57 years of his outrageousness, passion, influence and above all else — his music.
The Pearly Gates turned purple last Thursday and they are partying like it is 1999 in heaven.
I shared mine now it’s your turn to share some of your own strange thoughts and questions that distract and/or occupy your time.