I know. I said I was coming back. Gonna blog again and find joy and laughter every day. That was on January 5th. You probably don’t need me to remind you what happened the next day. Beyond the absolute horror and disgust I felt on January 6th during the Capitol Insurrection, I also felt a major “Welp. there goes 2021” energy that took some recovery time.
To be clear, I’m not over it.
I’m just not gonna let it consume me any longer because those assholes didn’t take our freedom and they sure ain’t gonna take my happiness either.
It has made me do some deep thinking though. From many, many, many WTFs to everything in between. Ultimately, it made me think about what I want my world to look like along with the larger world because they are different, which many seem to forget. My world is small and I mostly live in a position of privilege, so if I wanted to (and to be clear I don’t) I could blissfully remain ignorant of what goes on beyond my little world.
And to also be clear, there are days I want to bury my head in the sand too. I am human after all. Pretending everything is just fine is a very human trait.
Everyone, of course, needs a break and time to rest, recuperate and recharge, but it’s done with the assumption that they are still aware of what’s going on and taking a break so they can continue the fight. Some are willfully being blind because they believe themselves unaffected but ALL OF US are affected even if we refuse see it. Or perhaps, seeing it would force some to admit their culpability in the great ills of the world (ahem).
I Don’t Have the Answers
Beyond stop being an asshole. But being asshole is a deeply ingrained human trait too.
But I find solace in admitting I don’t have the answers because I’ve often seen myself (and actively portrayed myself) as the one with a solution. “I can fix any problem!” I tell myself, friends, family, co-workers, etc. And I mostly can. But that’s a humongous and impossible weight to bear too. One person cannot solve everything by themselves, especially when it comes global issues.
But one person can make a difference.
Figuring Out My Place
I want to become more directly involved, although I haven’t figured out what that will look like yet. That is one of my big to-dos because I feel so helpless right now, which is not a great place for me to be. Additionally, I also know that I want to blog more. My writing skills have atrophied without blogging and that makes me deeply unhappy. I also need to get back on track health-wise. You may recall that I lost weight a couple years ago. Well, most of it is back. Sigh. I’ve lost weight before and I can do it again. But still … sigh.
Mostly though, I need to find my focus and recommit to what matters most. I’ve been helter skelter and just trying to survive the past few days, weeks, months and years. But I don’t want to merely survive; I want to thrive. That starts with figuring what matters most in both my small world and the big world too.
How are you approaching 2021? Have you figured what matters most to you?
I’m a fixer. If someone in my life has a problem, I try to just listen but I end up wanting to fix it. I feel the same longing to fix the world and the issues in it. But that’s exhausting and impossible. We can’t fix everything, but we can make a difference in the lives and situations we experience. You’re very right about that.
Don’t stress about the lack of writing. It’s difficult to come up with words to say. I think we’re all feeling that.
I’m struggling with grace and motivation in 2021. I’m tired of extending grace and needing grace. I feel like I was 100% depleted in 2020. There’s been no time to recharge. (And no safe vacation to take to recharge!) I’m just tired of everything.
There is definitely an ebb and flow to everything. 2020 was such a dumpster-fire of a year and we are still feeling its weight. But I know that you have a deep well of resilience in you Tanya and I believe that you can do anything that you put your mind to. 🙂
Rooting for you always!
Nancy @ NY Foodie Family says
Sadly we can’t control other people’s actions. I know we are almost 3 months into the year, but I’m feeling hopeful for 2021. I’ve been trying to focus on what I can control – my health, my sanity, my blog, etc. Take one day at a time. You can do whatever you set your mind to.